


i wish there was a way to know

by lauraxtennant



Series: Ten/Rose Collection 2015 [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5131082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lauraxtennant/pseuds/lauraxtennant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose is confused, because the Doctor should be feeling jealous right about now - but he's not. Someone proposed to her, and he's not even batting an eyelid! So what's going on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	i wish there was a way to know

**Author's Note:**

> Just so you know, there’s a couple of references to the Doctor Who novel, 'Only Human,' near the end, in case anyone who hasn’t read it gets confused.

He was acting _so_ weird. Usually by now he’d have that jealous streak of his right on show, with a dimple in his cheek as his jaw clenched tight, maybe a sniff in consternation, a not-so-nonchalant glance away from her. But he was just…smiling. 

“Doctor, what’s going on?”

“Hmm?” He grinned. “Nothing.”

“You, um. You seem pretty happy.”

“I am,” he assured her, dashing around the console as he set the coordinates to send them back into the vortex.

Rose was almost offended. “But…”

He threw back the dematerialisation lever with a flourish, beaming up at the time rotor for a second, before turning back to her. “Cuppa?”

“Doctor.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just _proposed_ to.”

“I know!” He let out a giggle. “I was there. Remember?” He tilted his head towards the corridor. “Galley?”

In a bit of a daze, she followed him, and when they entered the kitchen, she sat promptly down at the table while he made the tea. She trailed circles across the wood, following the movement of her fingers with her eyes, not wanting to look at him while he was being so jovial. Surely he shouldn’t be feeling so upbeat, when for the last week they had been stuck on Kova-Xen Three helping incite a rebellion? Surely he shouldn’t be bloody whistling, when he’d spent the entire seven days watching the leader of said rebellion, a woman called Aramana, flirt madly with not _him_ , but Rose?

And Rose, though at first she had blushed and stuttered, not used to that kind of attention from another woman, well. She’d seen how the Time Lord hadn’t looked remotely bothered, for a change, and so she thought she’d test his limits a bit, maybe. Challenge his perceptions. If he thought he didn’t need to be jealous just because Aramana was a _woman_ -

Essentially, she’d flirted back. Aramana was nice. Not Rose’s type, necessarily, but not…not _un_ attractive. So she’d taken a leaf out of her old mate Jack’s book and explored the possibility. Theoretically, anyway. She wasn’t gonna let anything actually happen, because regardless of whether her conception of her own sexuality had expanded, a bit, maybe, in light of this week’s events, she was in love with the Doctor and didn’t feel at all in the right place to entertain notions of being with someone else. However uninterested the Doctor was in her. However much she knew, in her heart, that he’d never let anything happen between them.

She’d hoped, a while back, that maybe she’d get over it, get over him, move on in theory if not in practice. She knew now that she’d probably be besotted with him forever, and since she wasn’t planning on leaving him, ever, she’d just have to get used to feeling emotionally and sexually bereft.

Anyway. She hadn’t seen any harm in flirting with Aramana, and she’d hinted to the other woman that it was just that: harmless flirting. She felt bad, now, that apparently she’d thought it would be possible to change Rose’s mind, because just as they were saying their goodbyes…well.

Rose bit her lip as she recalled the scene. She really did feel terrible. Aramana had gone to so much effort. And those flowers _had_ been really nice. The ring, too. Her species didn’t usually go in for rings, but Aramana said she’d researched and realised that it was important to humans of Rose’s time, to wear one to signify commitment.

Heaving a sigh, she looked up at the Doctor, just as he placed her favourite mug in front of her. Not really meaning to direct it at the beverage, but at him, she wrinkled her nose.

“We can travel the universe forever and we’ll never find teabags as good as Yorkshire Gold. Just so you know,” he said brightly, and sat down opposite her with a happy hum.

“Yeah,” she murmured, feeling rather despondent. Would it hurt for him to have looked, at any point this week, at _all_ concerned that she was interested in someone other than him?

“So! What do you want to do tonight? Has this week of protest and revolt worn you out or do you fancy a trip?”

“Think I’d rather stay in, to be honest,” she said, then took a sip of her tea. It was too hot, and she burnt her tongue, and then she put it down and crossed her arms with a huff.

She watched as his smile slipped, and felt gratified by his frown.

“Ah. Need a little ‘R&R?’”

“Something like that.” What she really needed was to spend an hour in a nice bubble bath, followed by a massage to soothe her sore muscles, and then a night cosying up with her best mate watching films and eating junk food. She reckoned she might get at least the first and last of those requests, if she fluttered her eyelashes enough. Maybe the Doctor would even give her shoulders a rub, if she played it right. She was about to voice these suggestions when he spoke again, quieter this time.

“Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t seem it,” he countered, raising his eyebrow at her.

“Had a tough week, haven’t we. Just tired.”

He shifted in his seat. “So there’s nothing…else. That’s wrong. Right?”

She lifted a shoulder. “Hungry, I suppose.”

His face cleared. “Ah, that I can fix.” He jumped back up and darted around the kitchen, from the looks of things making her some sort of pasta dish. He chattered away as he did it, but Rose tuned him out, alternating her gaze between his bum and, whenever he turned so that she could see him in profile, his neck.

“Rose? Vortex to Ro-ose?” he said loudly, and she jerked.

“Oh, sorry, were you saying something?”

The Doctor looked puzzled. Slowly, he put down the bowl he was holding, turned, and leant against the kitchen counter. All of a sudden he seemed grumpy, with his furrowed brow and his arms folded. Jaw clenched. He looked how she’d wanted him to look, over the last few days, whenever Aramana had got up close and personal with her. Now, seeing it - his posture, the expression on his face - she regretted ever wishing for such a thing. She didn’t want him to be miserable; what had she been thinking?

“Doctor?” Rose said, uncertain.

“I didn’t think - ” he started, then stopped, and she watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I didn’t think you were really interested.”

“Eh?”

He stood up straighter and cleared his throat. “In, in staying there. With them. Her.”

She glanced away. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you so sad?”

“I just feel bad. Guilty. That’s all.”

“Whatever for?”

“For leading her on,” she admitted, and she met his gaze again, fully ready to find reproach there. There was none.

He shook his head. “You didn’t.”

“Doctor. She asked me to marry her. After one week! Obviously she thought I was in love with her!”

“Rose, you told her six days ago that you weren’t interested in having a relationship.”

“I - what?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “How did you know that?” She distinctly remembered being alone with Aramana when she said that. It had kind of been the entire point.

“I…overheard,” he said, then gave her a sheepish look. “I didn’t know you were having a private conversation! I wandered by the room you were in and eavesdropped a little by accident. Honest! Then I left.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry,” he said, with a grin. He continued, “Anyway, my point is, she knew you weren’t in love with her. But marriages, for her species - they are about more than love.”

“But she…” Rose frowned, now feeling kind of affronted for another reason. “She fancied me. She did! I know I didn’t read into that. It wasn’t all some, I don’t know, political thing.”

The Doctor scratched at the back of his neck. “No, you’re right. She did. Ah. Fancy you, as you put it. But she also wanted you for your many other qualities.”

“My - what?”

“Other than your - your -” He looked uncomfortable, and gestured at her vaguely, waving his hand around in a frantic motion, “Your, er. Looks. She - Rose, she wanted you to rule the newly founded republic with her.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled softly. “And what better choice could she have made?”

“I don’t get it,” Rose said, though she was starting to have an idea.

“Aramana is a very intelligent woman. She didn’t want to have the burden of ruling alone. Of course, she’d have her council, her provisional government. Those she appointed shortly before we left as a temporary measure before the elections she’s about to instigate. But in the interim, before the votes come in, she needed someone else at the helm, with her. Of course she wanted you.” He shrugged. “Fancying the pants off you was just a bonus.”

“But what could I do? I’ve never been like, a leader of anything. Never even had a chance to vote, yet, ‘cos you whisked me off just before the first time I’d’ve been eligible to! Let alone been _part_ of a government. I - I even got sacked off the school council!”

He made an amused sound in the back of his throat. “Did you?” He leaned forward, eyes alight with mischief. “What for?”

She sniffed. “Got the choir to go on strike.”

“Ha! Of course you did. Blimey, I - ” He stopped, shaking his head, staring at her in a way that made her stomach flip.

“The choir teacher was playing favourites and - well. There were a lot of injustices involved, okay?” Rose defended.

“I believe you,” he said, sounding sincere. “Anyway. Proves my point, hmm? Perfect, compassionate candidate for a newly liberated society.” He threw out his arms dramatically. “Fed up with the status quo? Get Rose Tyler on your side!”

“How do you know all of this, anyway?” she asked, dubious about how, exactly, he could apparently read Aramana’s mind.

The Doctor came and perched on the table, regarding her with that look in her eyes again. She pressed a hand to her belly, trying to stifle the butterflies.

“She told me. Welll, she didn’t tell me she was gonna propose,” he amended, glancing away for a moment. “Would’ve, er, would’ve queried that, perhaps.” He turned back to her. “But she told me how much she admired your way with the people, all that malarkey. Knew she’d have something in mind.”

“You’re…you’re proud of me,” Rose realised, putting a name to his expression.

“Yes. Obviously. Always have been. Not that I can take any credit. Well, maybe some credit. A smidge. For getting you out there and seeing the universe. But your fire, your spirit - well. Clearly, that was there all along.”

Rose felt herself flushing, and she fiddled with her earring as a distraction. “I mean, it don’t always work out too great. I got suspended for a week and the entire choir got after school detentions for a month because of the stunt I pulled back then.”

“Ahh, but you’d only just got started,” he said, patting her shoulder. He left his hand there, after, and gave an affectionate squeeze as he continued, “It’s more than that, though.”

“What is?”

“I’m not just proud,” he explained vaguely, then hopped off the table. “Right, let’s get the rest of this dinner cooked, you must be starving; and here’s me, blathering on!”

Rose stared his bum again whilst he carried on cooking, purely because it was in her line of vision, and pondered what he’d just said.

‘Not just proud’ - what did that mean? She almost didn’t want to ask. But did _he_ want her to ask? To push it? He’d sped into another subject before she’d had the chance, which made it seem to her like he was making a diversion. Avoiding it. But why would he even have mentioned it if he didn’t want her to go bonkers trying to work out what he meant?

Slowly, Rose stood up. She moved over to him and started to help with the food, chopping up some peppers as he perused his ingredients to decide what sauce to add. They spent some time like that, passing things back and forth, making various components of their meal together, all in relative silence, all with her mind whirring and whirring. It was lucky they were so in sync - well, and that they were making just about the only hot food Rose could cook - because otherwise her thoughts might have distracted her altogether.

He reached across her to pick up a spoon, at one point, but she’d already been grabbing it to give it to him; his hand landed on hers and she pressed her lips together to stop herself from blurting out something stupid. Like, ‘so could you maybe tell me what’s going on in your head right now?’ Or, ‘did you feel that spark of electricity or was it just my imagination?’ Or, ‘maybe you could touch me somewhere else, for a change; that hand gets all the Doctor-action.’ He just chuckled and wiggled his hand under hers to take the utensil.

After a while of silence, she ventured, “So, um. Film night?”

“Hmm? Oh, yes. Sounds good.”

“Cool.”

“Feel free to have a nice soak in the bath first, though. I’ve got a bit of tinkering to do first, anyway, so we’ll eat this and then reconvene in an hour, how’s that sound?”

She glanced at him. “Is that a nice way of telling me that I stink?”

He laughed. “No. Well, I mean, you could do with a wash, true, but - ”

“Oi!” She picked up a tea towel and flicked him with it.

“- ow! I was going to say, I know how you like a ridiculously long bubble bath after a hard day’s - well, week’s - adventuring.” He dished up their food and they sat down to eat.

“Mm.”

“Personally I don’t see how sitting there in the bath in your own dirt can possibly be rewarding, but - ”

“I’m not _that_ dirty.” She rolled her eyes. “God, knew it wouldn’t take long.”

“Wouldn’t take long for what?”

She smiled at him in between a few bites of food, and explained, “For you to move past the compliments and get insulting me again.”

“I never insult you.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“I don’t insult you. Do I?”

“Not that often, anymore. But the nice stuff isn’t exactly free flowing, either, ‘cept for earlier.”

“Rose Tyler, I am full to the brim with compliments for you. If I told you every time I thought you were being funny or clever or lovely then I’d never say anything else.”

Rose set her fork down and stared at him.

“What?” he said, around a mouthful of pasta.

Inexplicably, she knew, with a sudden, sharp clarity, that he felt the same way for her as she did for him. The reality of it, the relief of it, took her breath away.

“Rose, your food’ll get cold.”

“Right.” She nodded. “Yeah.” She picked up her fork and resumed eating.

“So,” he said casually, a few seconds later, “Were you trying to make me jealous?”

Her cheeks burned, and the light, airy feeling in her chest tightened unpleasantly. “Er, what?”

“With Aramana.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“No. Course not. There was nothing to get jealous over, anyway, was there? You said yourself that you heard what I told her.”

“Ah, yes, but you didn’t know that I knew what you’d said to her until earlier on.” He pointed his fork at her. “You, Rose Tyler, were trying to make me jealous.”

“It’s just, would it kill you to stake a claim once in a while?” she blurted out.

The Doctor didn’t respond for a moment, and Rose’s pulse rate quickened. God, she should’ve kept her mouth shut. She knew how he felt, now; she didn’t need him to talk about it. Didn’t need him to run off at the first _sign_ of talking about it.

“I suppose it wouldn’t,” he granted, and her eyes widened. “Although I rather resent the phrasing. No one has a claim to you but yourself, Rose. Not about to set back evolution and gender equality fifty thousand years by acting like a neanderthal, no matter how much I want you for my own.”

Rose laughed, flushing with delight. “I mean, it was just a figure of speech, but if you wanna throw me over your shoulder cave-man style I’m not gonna oppose. Much. Not in, um.” She paused, worried she was taking it too far, but bravely carried on, “Not in certain situations, anyway.”

He frowned. “I feel like we’re perhaps not painting cave-men in a very nice light. I’m sure cave-women did their fair share of shoulder-throwing, too.”

“Can’t lift you, though, can I,” she pointed out. “Ha, remember that one who got stuck in our time for a bit, back when Jack was still with us? What was his name? Das, wasn’t it? Wonder how he’s getting on, with his human wife and all that.”

“Ahh, the Osterberg adventure. I tell you what, I _was_ jealous of that Tillun fellow. Why on earth do you keep getting people propose to you, anyway?”

“Hey, obviously they can see I have a lot to offer. And I mean, technically I _did_ marry him. And I knew it! The way you grabbed me up on that horse and practically knocked him out…knew you were sick with envy,” she teased.

“The good old days.” He grinned.

“Yeah.” She smiled back. “You know, I kind of get the feeling we’re still in the good old days.”

His smile softened, and that look was in his eyes again. “Oh, we always will be, Rose. Always,” he assured her.

She believed him.


End file.
